Depression – To work or not to work?

I am always in two minds about whether it is better with someone with Depression and Anxiety to be off work or not.

I have had severe depression twice, once when I first went to University, and secondly now. I struggled at University with home sickness and the pressure to make friends and go out all the time, this ended with me leaving in the second year. I moved back in with my parents, got a job part-time at Marks and Spencer’s and went to the gym 3/4 times a week. This enabled me to release endorphin’s at the gym and gave me purpose with work, resulting in me returning to re-do my second year at University.

However, my second bout of depression has been substantially worse. I  began harming myself and suffering panic attacks. This resulted in me being signed off work for long periods. I have been back sporadically, but I have been feeling that my job is not helping at the moment and the best thing for both my employer and myself is to leave and focus on getting better. I feel guilty everyday I am not in, and although they have been ever so supportive, it is like I am continually letting them down. I also feel guilty about going out to the cinema, or shopping as I feel that if I am too ill to work surely I am too ill to do things I enjoy.

I have been looking for work I can do from home to try and help limit my anxiety, however there are so many spam ‘work from home’ jobs out there, that it is hard to filter out the legitimate from the dodgy. I am trying with Avon, but so far (as seen in my other post) I have not had much luck with it, but it is flexible and does allow me to have off days.

Overall, I am not sure what the best thing is. I have felt a lot better since residing myself to the truth that I am probably going to leave my current job. However, focusing on getting better will hopefully mean that in a couple of months time I can start believing in myself.


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